Time to move on...!!

I have been stuck on this particular topic in my mind for the past 3 months... As much as I wanted to "talk" about it, I just couldn't find the time, nor the inspiration, nor the courage, nor the words.... nor the guts..... And, at the same time, I just couldn't move on and stop thinking about it....

Well, this is it... It would appear to be a very raw & crude entry, but I just need to move on... Just can't get myself to start talking about other stuffs, as long as this particular topic has not been mentioned....

Very sadly, on 18th Feb 2010, my beloved mother passed away at 2 o'clock in the morning... What a sad day it was...

My mom... sadly missed...

I was on a business trip to Germany... I remember that I was swearing big time when I got to know that I had to go to Germany at the peak of the winter time in Europe.... I have not been to Europe during winter for a long long time... and the idea of wrapping myself in warm clothes everytime I get out of a building, is not something so thrilling.... Helas, just had to go....

Everything went well, the meetings, the discussions, the snow, the cold.... Anyhow, it was just a 4 day trip, nothing dramatic happened...

Paderborn, cold and chilly, -5degre Celsius

Thursday afternoon, went to Dusseldorf, and took the return flight at 2h30pm... was a smooth flight, arrived in Dubai at midnite... arrived home about 1h30am, and went to sleep at about 2h30am.... was tired, darn tired....

5am in the morning.... received a phone call from my cousin... Mom was in critical condition, my aunt told me that I have to come back. Called my brother, who reconfirmed that Mom was not in a good condition... immediately checked Emirates website and managed to get a last minute ticket for a flight at 10am... had 4 hours to get ready and go to the airport (just unpacked my stuffs from the Germany trip late ystdy evening...). Packed the clothes, and at 7am, left home and went straight to Dubai airport. Sent sms to bosses that I had to leave for Malaysia on emergency.

Frankly, knowing my mom, I was not frantically worried... She has gone through lots and lots of things in the pass, and she has always managed to go through them... She was a fighter and never she would give up... That's my mom, and I am proud of her... Everybody tells me that my Mom inherited the qualities of my GrandDad.... the "Tok Ketua Md Nor" in Kampung Padang Asam, Kuala Kangsar.... He kicked arses...., and so did my Mom... (my Dad's arse and her children arse included...!). I would be suprised that she doesn't make it this time, I last saw her 3 months back, and even though she was not that well physically, she was of sound mind and chatted with me lovingly during my short visit...


Arrived Ipoh at 3am in the morning, and was advised to freshen up before going to the hospital... Met up with my Mom at about 8h30am at the hospital.... Even though she was very weak, she was still of a very sound mind, and talking gibberish, she was asking me what time I arrived, and telling us, the children to check this and that.... She asked us to check her drip, she asked me if I have had breakfast, how long I would be on leave.... Yeah... She was a very strong will person... I was happy to see her, but sad to her very weak...

The Doctors and Interns - discussing what needs to be done

The doctor told us that if my Mom's condition stabilized (Mom was having a fever), the Doctors were going to get her into the operation theatre and one of her legs would be amputated (Mom was suffering from complications due to Diabetes)….

I stayed with her that morning…. Massaged her leg (the one which is not affected), and basically told her to rest/ sleep… She needed as much rest as possible to ensure that her fever subsides… She slept on and off… By mid day, relatives…. lots of them… came to visit my mom… My Mom’s rest was disrupted, but then…. can’t do much, my Mom just wanted to stay awake when these relatives visited her, her way of showing thank you I guess…

My sister & a friend nurse attending to my mom, unconscious

After the visiting hours, she went to sleep again… It was 2h30pm… and that was it…, the doctors realized that her body was shutting down during her sleep and did an intervention at about 5h30pm…. She was in coma and on life support since that moment… 5 days later, my Mom passed away peacefully at 2am in the morning, she never recovered from the coma… I was with her during the last moments of her life…

My mom…
Loved with a love beyond all feeling,
Missed with a grief beyond all tears.

Innalilla wa innalillahirojioun…
Al Fatihah…