Actual court recordings
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example! of some thing you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Do you really know what you said?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you joking? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new Attorney?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
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hahaha....!! nasib baik gua tak jadik lawyer (cita2 masa zaman sekolah2 dulu... macam Kak Ja gak....! haha...)
*** yg tengah nak buat come back to the blog postings... siksanya... masih tersangkut2 lagi...***
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7 comments:
kah..kah...!! tak tahan gelak ni..
ok now i remember why i tak jadik amik law dulu... nasib baik la, kalau tak jadik cam dorang ni...
Hahaha... kelakar betul lah. Camner dia orang boleh jadi lawyer??
Kingkong, cuba lah buat entry lawak versi orang kaya Dubai. hehehe
Hmm....
Judge : Did the your client of yours plea guilty of the charges for reason of insanity after killing you (the attorney)?
Attorney : (Could not answer the question since he was laying down death)
Witness : Judge? (Looking at judge full of stupidity)
Judge : Ok then, NOT GUILTY!
PB, kan...? hehe...
Kalel, nasib baik kan...? kalau tak, abih la luuuu... memang ramai org tak suka... terutama Bapak2 Polisi di tengah jalan... kalau kena tahan, sori nak merayu di beri pelepasan saman... memang sah kena saman kao2 punyalah...! haha....
Josh... haiyooo... gila la lu...!! kang tak semena2 kena deport kang sebab mengejek Emiratis... gua belum abih bayar hutang lagilah kat KL tuuu... haha...
Wahaza... ko pun kasik hantam saja haaaa...? pandai2 jer ko menambah2 citer... kang keluo joke IT entrepreneurs kang baru padan muka ko... haha...
Good one! ;-D
of course maaa... that's why it is here... ahaks...!!:)
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